I’VE BEEN THINKING.
I’ve been thinking that I can do a lot better.
For me, the formation of our beliefs and values, and through them our behaviour and choices (and through these the lives we live, and especially how we treat other people), has long been a fascinating topic.
Or, to put it simply: why do we hold the opinions we hold?
I began thinking about this for the first time during my longest walk. While wandering in freedom through the woods and across the mountains of Europe for day after day after day I found myself wondering how choosing to immerse myself in nature for such an extended period was reshaping my outlook, and how placing myself temporarily ‘outside’ of society was altering my view of society.
My conclusion back then was that a massive part of what I believed and valued wasn’t innate, as I’d previously presumed. Instead, it was based upon everything that had influenced me; influences chosen and unchosen, influences that I was aware of and those that I was not. Especially those that I was not.
Since then, I’ve become even more certain of this conclusion.
In recent months, though, I feel I’ve neglected to a degree what this conclusion means in practice. I can see that certain reactions of mine to the ‘issues of the day’ have become arguably too swift and too unexamined. I can see that here in my conventional ‘off-trail’ existence I haven’t approached all situations as openly as I once did while living a carefree ‘on-trail’ life. At times I’ve even lacked compassion. I’ve been involved in a handful of exchanges that I now regret. I should have asked questions more gently, not merely made statements. I should have paused to consider, in compassion, where the other person was coming from. Where and why.
Possibly, my own responses have made me part of the problem too.
Current times are divisive, there is no doubt about that. And maybe ‘divisive’ is an epic understatement. I’ve experienced for myself that it is all-too-easy to get sucked into that divisiveness and add to it.
But I know I can do better.
One way to do better will be to honestly critique myself the way I used to while walking, and the way I do while writing. One place to start is to seriously consider the following questions:
– Where do my beliefs, opinions and values come from?
– Are they based on direct lived experience? Are they based on facts I have taken the time to verify? Have I truly examined them, to be absolutely certain I understand them?
– Or, are they primarily based on emotions, assumptions and wishful thinking? Do I hold them automatically, superficially, unquestioned?
– Have I explored with an open mind opinions and beliefs that are contrary to mine? Have I considered with compassion and empathy why they might exist?
The answers to these questions are hugely important.
This little post of mine is really ‘thoughts out loud’. I’m writing and sharing such an out-of-character blog post primarily for my own benefit. Writing a post like this forces me to be honest with myself, and it forces me to examine and re-examine my own thoughts to see if what I’m trying to say holds up when read by others. There’s a good chance I should be keeping all this to myself. Most people reading my blogs want to read about nature and mountains, not musings likes this. There’s a chance that, by sharing this, I’ll lose some readers for good. There’s a risk from this post that I’ll be considered a fool… and a virtue-signaling fool at that.
But I’m sharing because honesty matters. Goodness, does honesty matter! And because facts matter. I’m sharing in sadness because I’ve seen people I know swayed by disinformation, by not thinking things through, because I’ve seen them share clear lies as though they are facts.
I’m sharing because of what I’ve observed within myself, a failure to live up to my own ideals of thoughtfulness, kindness, empathy and compassion. And I’m sharing because I’ve noticed this in other people too, in people who quite possibly aren’t living up to their own ideals. I am horrified to have noticed holes in my own compassion and kindness. I’ve needed to take a step back to see these holes. It’s been all-too-easy to let empathy and compassion fade through neglect, to let it sink away into the depths beneath an indoctrinating deluge of unchosen influences, especially influences online.
Of course, I have no expectation that these words will make any difference to the Big Picture, to the root causes underpinning the divisive politics and hateful actions we all see. But I hope that if my words can rekindle within my own behaviour a spark of compassion and kindness then maybe, just maybe, they might also do that for someone else? That’s my goal, for whatever it is worth, however naïve some might consider it.
If even only one person reading this were to honestly question their own opinions and beliefs, and also approach contrary opinions in the same way, then that in itself would have justified the posting of these words.
Just imagine if everyone did that. And imagine if we all tried our very best to get the people we see as our ‘opponents’ to do that, too? What if, instead of making our first response an angry lecturing response, or a mocking response, we made it a genuine question, a compassionate attempt to understand? “You said (insert claim). Can you tell me why you believe that? I genuinely want to understand.”
Well, I think it’s worth trying.
It’s clear that some people’s opinions, beliefs and values are set in stone, regardless of what they are based upon. Some people clearly won’t be open to honest self-reflection or genuine engagement, let alone to change. But I believe from direct lived experience that some people will be. I believe, again from actual experience, that some people do respond well to a pause in hostilities, to a kinder and more thoughtful response, to a genuine invitation to reach for understanding.
Again, I think it’s worth trying. I really do. Because tiny droplets of water can become a flood.
I want to be clear though, I’m not advocating for tolerance of intolerance, or to not be involved in standing up for what we believe in, or to not fight against hate and the harm it leads to. Instead, what I’m advocating for is honest self-reflection before reaction, for an honest examination of our own influences, and, perhaps most importantly, for an honest assessment of whether we are being constructive… or are simply perpetuating the problem.
So that’s what I’ve been thinking, amongst other things.
I’ve been thinking that I, personally, can do a lot better. I’ve been thinking that I have to do a lot better because it really does matter.
Because, after all, where does real change come from? Where does it start?
